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Pastor Cath Mode
be not afraid; facing fear with faith: part 1 Be not afraid of death
2016.06.14 03:51:50

p. 1 If faith in God can address the subject of death, then it can be set free to speak to every other aspect of life.

AND

p. 2 To speak of faith in the face of death means to name our worst fears and gently but purposefully bring them into conversation with our deepest convictions.

 

I think I was in about 5th grade when I first figured out that I was going to die. Really die.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a sick stomache, pain in my side and a very high fever. I was in bed and  somewhere between dreaming and hallucinating. I saw a heavy navy blue, wool blanket floating above my bed. It hovered over my toes then my ankles, then my core, creeping slowly toward my head. I was thinking that if that blanket covered my head I would be dead. so I screamed out "MOM, DAD I AM GOING TO DIE!" That woke them up! 

 

My parents quickly recognized appendicitis, rushed me to the ER and before I knew it I was waking up from surgery. "I AM GOING TO LIVE," I thought, but I had a new world view: I could have died. It could have been the end. There is an end to everything. However, now is not the end. Someday but not now"

 

I started thinking of life as "extra life" i.e. life after what could have been death and so everything was sort of an extra gift. But I also felt a sadness. I understand it now as anticipatory grief. There will be an end...someday. 

 

When did you first understand that you were going to die? Did knowing so change you in anyway? 





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I think we discover and rediscover our own mortality in various ways: a near death experience, a near life-threatening accident, death of a pet, death of a loved one, another birthday, getting a medi-care card etc. It is often a little thing that reminds us that life for us is marching on and that it is not endless.
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